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Who was Julian in 2024?

I suppose what I would have to call myself is ambitious, and depressed.  I had loftier goals than I have had in a long time, and assumed that I would be able to complete them in the same year.
I did everything I could to not be inconveniencing, and the most helpful possible. I don’t spam, I try to be motivating whenever someone is discussing goals that they have.

as often as possible, I avoided being an instigating actor, and put support behind those who needed it.
Like my hero Tim Rogers, I am making my exit far and away from those who would take the world around them for granted and give in to pessimism

Above all I want to focus on My Art.  My art doesn’t target anyone unfairly, doesn’t perpetuate harmful stereotypes, does not come from a place of immorality,
does not use a.i., does not come at the expense of other’s work, I do not trace, I do not perform shape alchemy

my art is measured
my art is moral

this however isn’t strictly art, it’s my year review for Twenty Twenty Four

2024 started somewhat positively, it felt like things had started to lighten up and then it got dark fast

I will start with what I think are the failures though, hopefully it’s a short list. Just things that didn’t work that I should mind in 2025.

Failures-
——————————————————————————————————————————————————-
– Wasting time in Geek Spaces
I’m not a Geek, not a proper one. I cannot hinge my pride and personality on what Art I enjoy. I think mid September I just couldn’t take it anymore when it came to the dumb way people in fandoms interact with each other, and with me specifically. I don’t know what it is but Geeks and I just don’t get along. It is unreasonable to me, as a high functioning Adult to be expected to have absolute recall of every aspect of every tv show I watch, every game I play, and every book that I read. Talking to someone who’s only want in life is to treat a corporately produced work of Art like it’s the bible always puts a damper on my outlook on life and the future of Art. One mistake I have made is allowing the behavior of “x is better than why” when the conversation topic has nothing to do with comparisons to be considered a worthwhile conversation contribution. I don’t do this myself very often, but I often observe it in others and will just as often not challenge it. “My escapism is better than your escapism” this also puts a damper on my outlook on life and the future of Art.
I also do not care for the “censorship conversation”, it doesn’t make sense and is predominately heralded by some of the most anti-art weirdos online.
there’s no reason to be running multi phase campaigns and shout outs and patch bounties for an optional costume or a few lines of altered dialogue.
Typically those changes are made to help sell the Work, which you should want if you actually care.  Are you actually personally effected by the change? Then Skill up, freak, learn Japanese, alter your book copy to include what you think is missing, but being the herald of Schrodinger’s Vagina Bones, and “zoomer lingo in my Fantasy Cartoon” isn’t it,
it’s stupid

– wasteful with my own time and resources
I gave up a lot of time in 2024 in the spring and summer volunteering in anticipation of the November Presidential Election, which turned out to have been entirely for nothing. and I realize that it’s not really “for nothing” obstinately lots of people locally benefited from the actions I and others had taken. It’s not as if the entire senate is flooded with the bad guys at least. But I’m unhappy with the time not being spent working on my own projects, art, and other things. It would behoove me to at least keep in contact with my local representatives, but I will not play foot soldier for any exhibitions they draw up, I fear that they do not know what they are doing in any way that is meaningful. For all of the Money America supposedly holds and circulates, there should be no reason for there to be a political party (republican) that thrives on policies that take away from so many people, and in the end just give more to people who are already rich. This also applies to the democratic party, under Biden, just as often were there actions taken explicitly to take away from someone suffering for no reason other than for profit.

– Not enough time spent on the people who do Matter
I try to keep a normal practice of Gifting a drawing for the Birthdays of people I know. something that represents their personality and interests, as far as I am aware of. in 2024 that was mostly nonexistant, but not for a lack of trying. Things just got too out of hand. I want this to be more of a standard practice going forward. There are other examples like my sister yelling “you’re a liar, Julian!” melodramatic like an anime character after I cancelled plans to waste an evening at one of her nightclubs. I just don’t want to go to a night club.
someone recently asked me for an opinion on a comic they made and I regrettably did not show up, for fear of misleading.
another issue is that I spend too much time interacting with people for whom their only hobby seems to be tearing down other people.
Like once recent time when I was in a voice chat and everyone there took turns shitting on a perfectly okay to great artist, for no reason other than because their workflow was different. and fake nice people who leap at every opportunity to join in on shitting on someone, with zero knowledge of what they are even presumed to be shitting on.

– No Comics Made
2024 was supposed to be my Comic year, but I frequently experienced a paralysis I had never felt before. I have no issue with Framing, and placement, but I frequently feel compelled to over correct and pick at every detail in pre-mortem defense of a work that has yet to even exist against people who wouldn’t waste time tearing it apart. This concern is not unfounded, as I have experienced all manner of poke and prod in reference to my Illustrations, often from individuals who don’t know what they are talking about and seemingly only address my work when they are interested in bullying. to combat this, I have been working with a mentor of sorts, who works professionally making Comics for print, following what he considers to be exercises that will simplify the comic making process for me giving me the same general confidence I have with drawing.   I don’t know when I’ll clear this hurdle, but I NEED to.

– Pixiv Fancard Club
in 2022 and 2023 I ran a campaign on fanbox, where each Month would feature an illustration exclusive to people who pay for the fanbox, this illustration would also be applied to the simulated membership card. early 2024, Some supporters reported disappointment that this wasn’t given as high of a priority as the other rewards and services that I offer.  I felt that this made sense, considering the low cost of such an exclusive (150 yen or something), there was disagreement, I was told that I’m not a good artist, and I put this campaign on hold indefinitely.  Mostly because I wanted to make sure one of the people who made it into an issue cannot contact me anymore. in order to not inconvenience my peers, I do not promote these services, Commissions, or my Patreon tiers often and in many cases even at all.   I am grateful to my supporters who are respectful. and am actively seeking assistance in terms of figuring out what is the best utilization of my skills and design sense for the most possible people.  a reminder being of course that the Majority of the Money made through my Patreon is converted into support for other artists, Commissions, and private work, as well as more Free public work from Me.

– Getting hung up over lip service tittat
I’m not shy about my ongoing support for Marginalized groups (LGBTQAAPP, Ending Colonist Genocides against native peoples, etc) as well as my disdain for Reactionary “”Politics””, I often donate to organizations that do the legwork towards real effective change, and contribute Money and Time to those in need locally, and in the various margins of my social circle. That should be enough, however in internet conversation often it seems like just saying “I support this” there is a growing trend online of arguing down people for not having the upmost correct opinion on a topic, with no regard for their intent to help. everyone is an Internet Debate Bro now, and there’s never any question of “well what have you done to help”. I’m not good at deescalation, and I’m too easy of a target for bloodsports types,  so I will be putting more effort into just walking away when I see something that I don’t like. I’m not going to change anyone’s mind about a bad opinion or thought process, and nobody needs to know my political affiliation or opinion.
ARM women and Minorities, it’s Metal Gear Solid 6: Arsenal of Humanity
Gender Education should go hand in hand with any sort of development course on forming one’s Identity offered by Schools
For all of the Money America supposedly has, there should be no reason for the  Police to have financial incentive EVER to do anything less than the basic job of policing
de-privatize the prisons, quality of life improvements across the board, kill the Criminals with the Kindness they failed to show THEIR FELLOW CITIZENS
Trans Surgeries don’t need to be blocked or Scrutinized, Doctors Already make their own evaluations
it should be against the law for Charlie Kirk and his ilk to be, a basic Indecency Review should be made, force them to fail to defend their lies against a fact checking and Humanities Board
Millionaires and Billionaires should pay more taxes, and Businesses shouldn’t be allowed to abuse tax breaks to launder misdeeds
People living along the middle of American Soil are suffering, why arent politicians doing MORE
there should be frequent competency checks for Government Employees to measure how much they actually care about other people
if you cannot exhibit an above basic level of caring about another person, any other person, then you should be ejected and provided with employment elsewhere
reZoning bills should be passed to limit how close certain harmful businesses can be to Schools and Residential areas
increase Library Funding 300%
Unionize all Service Work Employment above a 500 Million yearly Revenue reach
I (me) should be Given free Therapy. I’m so sad, you have no idea. You cannot even imagine how fucked up I am.
Video Games should be in the Library of Congress
K-12 School should be Less hours of the Day, and 6 Days of the Week
Processed Food Components proven to be Harmful in Aggregate should be outlawed
all Monopolies when proven to exist should be broken with with prejudice and penalties
Make up with China, China is your ONLY Friend
Public Demonstrations of Nazi Ideology should be punished, any Culture upon which the entire basis is infringing on the basic rights of others is subhuman
ANNEX CANADA
Celebrity Endorsements for Products and Services should be reviled by the Public. I know you all agree with me, you’ve seen the Honey debacle
Sex Workers should be decriminalized, and should receive Tax Breaks Similar to Churches.
Everyone (Old, and Young, Incompetent, and Disengaged, etc) should be taught how to use LINUX AND PERFORM COMPUTER MAINTENANCE NOT FUCKING “”A.I.””
KILL A.I.,  Open A.I. is no longer an actual Non Profit, THEY LIED, SHOW IS OVER SHUT IT ALL DOWN burn every Git Repo
Everyone Everywhere should get Fitness Resources and Health provided to them for Free
paying a fine should not be the end result to consumer mistreatment, repeat offenders should be investigated, tried, and disassembled
the “”Migrant Conversation”” should be put to bed FOREVER, there’s no reason to Keep People out, where one country fails, should be American’s benefit any hands reaching out should be Grasped Graciously as we all collectively work to our Mutual benefit, for the benefit of everyone not just a few
stand for an end to tribalist nonsense, human beings are smarter than “base insights”, there’s no reason for us to fall for scarcity bullshit, and anti intellectual incompetence
Increase Funding for the Internet Archive 500%
It should be made illegal for anyone like El_n Mu_k to even pretend to be thinking about Buying an Information Service an actual public GOOD like Wikipedia

I will continue doing the work I have been doing, there’s no worth in wasting my life looking for reasoning with unreasonable people
if you disagree with three or More items in the list above, you might significantly lack ambition,  you might lack an imagination, you might be a Bad person, you might be a Selfish Person.
may you suffer a thousand ego deaths with the knowledge that your soul is broken as you are carried by the collective love and embrace of the people around you, and in your old age, understand the mistakes you have made

– Google
at some point in 2024 I got blocked from Youtube for Downloading too many videos to keep for later. and with the upmost fairness to Youtube’s people I was certainly taking more than my fair share. but in my mind if I’m paying for a Family plan, but hardly anyone but myself in the “family” watches Youtube, I should allowed this not so modest privilege. I’m slowly making the pull away from youtube and Google products as much as I can, likely saving myself several hundreds of dollars every year in the process. The turning point was the obnoxious ease with which I almost lost my Youtube profile because of a false report on not just one, but two one of my playlists, apparently any tom dick and nancy can just report your account even if you are not publishing to the platform, losing access to playlists which is the only real way for me to curate and share content through the website anymore, given my want to link a few dozen videos and not look like a tedious tonedeaf jerk by flooding a social feed or chat with every single link. I was so scared of losing everything that I didn’t even do my Yearly Valentines Day Music Mix where I curate a list of songs, all presented in an order that is best for a longform listening experience.  Thats what playlists are for, and shouldn’t be subject to youtube’s arcane anti uploader moderation policies. sharing really isn’t caring on youtube. I can only hope that the person responsible is satisfied with themselves, they made the world marginally better by preventing me from sharing I guess. I GUESS

– end of the year crack out
I protest, I tend to seethe. a lot of people have this perception of me as a guy who gets angry “for no reason”, but specifically feel like I get angry when it seems like I’m being treated like a non entity, or worse, a nonperson. And then it starts to compound, piled on and on, by one or more persons on repeat, and then other people joining in, for no reason other than to make someone else unhappy.
I had watched a lot of Christmas Movies this year, call me susceptible to propaganda but I guess subconsciously I felt like I have for several years of my life Lived the absolute opposite lifestyle of Ebenezer Scrooge and I don’t deserve some of the treatment that I get sometimes.
Recently, like in the last several months, around September or so, I decided to try to interact with other people online outside of my existing circle. I suspected that my friends might have gotten sick of me, and in order to not be annoying or come across as annoying I just decided to fill time elsewhere rather than attempt to organize gatherings of any kind. I joined an artist server, since thats usually the kind of person I can best interact with. Things started out pretty okay. I was enjoying myself at least. But there was one person there with a less than common animal fixation, they kept showing me sex toys shaped like animal genitalia, different kinds of furry porn, fairly boilerplate stuff and they weren’t really annoying about it.  But things got stranger in November, they start showing me animal abuse videos, and the sexual content of the conversations got increasingly more intense. I attempted to change the subject multiple times and then was met with hostility. I decided that I shouldn’t have to accept any of it, and probably neither should anyone else in the server, so I reach out to one of the moderators. I tell them about the animal abuse stuff, and this individuals many allusions to having a proclivity for the subject matter. This mod and I already don’t have a very good rapport, so I take their blunt “you’re exaggerating” response personally.  I insist and point out that a few of the links are still in the voice chat text chat (not an actual text channel, but that dumb built in text chat that they embedded to voice channels on discord) I’m already feeling more than the least amount of annoyed by this person for other issues I have with them, so I bring the same details to another moderator. out of nowhere, in the middle of a work day I’m pulled into a channel in the server I’ve never seen before, being treated like they’re cops interrogating a suspect. and then I’m told that without any recording of the conversations that took place, then I’ll just have to drop it.  and I’m looking at conversations in the chat. the animal abuser weirdo is just posting as usual, no indication that they’re being interrogated or that the issue is even being addressed with them. Some acknowledgment, some admission of wrongdoing, that they went too far and they will correct their behavior, or that they are sad that they are being punished.  but nothing of the sort.  and I’m being grilled and told that I’m wrong for ‘not’ recording a private conversation, and that it’s hearsay what I say, even though a contextual clue existed in the text chat.  and then I see the remaining links disappear.  My only conclusion is that it’s being covered up, so I just leave. but not before blocking every person that was there.  I freaked out, I didn’t want to be associated with that group if that was how they were going to treat a situation like that.  and then I go to other discord channels, and I’m told that I’m in reference to entirely unrelated things that I’m being unreasonable, dishonest or that I’m making a “Bad Argument”,   by people who I know do not talk to other people like they talk to me. after months of worrying over it
it burns a hole in my chest and makes me think that there’s something wrong with me, to a degree that I don’t feel like I can just “take it in stride” or “let it wash off my back”
maybe I’m just being a baby, but the frequency of glib unhelpful remarks, disregard, and weird nonsense is just too high for me.  I feel like I’ve found myself a decent group to interact with, but if I can’t handle assimilating into another entirely unrelated group it makes me wonder
“How thin is the thread that connects me to this group, or this group? Should I be pushing back against every possible mischaracterization? Even from people I thought I had a decent rapport with? Am I stupid? Should I just become a recluse? IMPOSSIBLE”

I think thats all I can think of in terms of what went wrong, more than a few bad interactions with bad actors of various extremes, but not really worth dwelling on.
I get indignant when it comes to individuals who attempt to lord over me any measure of higher status, authority, or effort –
I just have to get better about how I address stuff I dont like online and in real life. I try always to apologize when I have done wrong, and commit to doing better.

now that everyone has stopped reading this post, I’d like to go over Twenty Twenty Four’s non Failures, and things that I guess, I SUPPOSE I’m proud of and made me happy.

-Volunteer Work
I could die. So much work was done in 2024 for the political interests of the “Democratic Party(ugh)”, which may as well just be called the rich douchebags party, because I guess they are not all that highly receptive to input from people who aren’t a rich douchebag. But it would be weird and crazy to discount the work that was done, while the presidential election had the worst result, locally things are doing better. I’m just exhausted. Work is still being done in the campaign to expand the bus routes in my area, the routes are too short and infrequent, but there was success in providing increased support for Indigenous Groups, Small Businesses, LGBT***** Groups, and others. maybe two years in the Peace Corps would do me well, but there’s so much more to be done where I am already
It is rewarding in the short term so even though I keep saying that I don’t want to do things for strangers anymore, I’m probably going to keep doing it. Showing up and being a “member of the community” legitimizes the concept of the platonic ideal of a society.

-Artwork
I’ve never held much dissatisfaction for my artwork, any instance of my wanting to emulate a particular method or technique is usually placated right away, if I want to draw something I thankfully usually can just do it. However, I have wanted to adopt a more conventionally “appealing” style ever since beginning steps to start my magazine in late 2023. The reasoning being that if I cannot build up a following then I’d have no way of marketing the work, which would be a potential disservice to all of my put upon collaborators. So I put my hand into whatever resource I could when I had the time, soliciting the advice of professionals, and a few hobbyists.  this year was kind of a let down in terms of things I wanted to draw, but I’ve at least learned things I can do with the tools I have to produce images other people like. Trying new things is always satisfying when drawing. for 2025 my focus is squarely on My Magazine project and my comic training. For my Patrons, Monthly Artwork will still be published, and showcased accordingly. I am grateful for your support.
I have compiled a gallery of images, many of which were not posted to social media, [clickable from this link -right here-]

-Magazine
I want to make a Magazine.  I want to make Art that can exist as something you can opt into and own a piece of, and enjoy, and observe, and learn something from.
When I first started, I thought I could make a journal of sorts, wherein I pay individuals of various disciplines to write, curate, and of course Draw, in reference to a specific theme or subject matter.
it would have been released sooner, but I lost confidence in it’s long term value.  MANY people online do not read, it seems. and despite how much I enjoy it, I cannot get three different people to write their unique thoughts on Star Trek Lower Decks, their Favorite OG Xbox Games, or Mall Goth Culture, and consider that something I could serve publicly with the same enthusiasm that I have for it.  This might just just a teeny bit be my pessimism talking if not for the fact that every person I showed my drafts to did not care, or were outright hostile to the concept, despite the inclusion of work done by others. (having typed this out, I think I am just constantly seeking the knowledge of the Wrong People) I have since moved my focus into just making it an Art Magazine, all 100% original work, no parodies, no reviews, no think pieces, no opinions. I commissioned multiple individuals to contribute to the narrative portion of the first issue of this new version.  It’s all very high quality, and what just remains are my sections, which are more involved and complicated than what I paid others to execute. I have spent most of this time doing one quarter of the work on the first issue, one quarter of planning for future issues, one quarter trying to maintain an internet presence that doesn’t hinder my ability to hire more artists, and one quarter trying to not quit entirely.
I did not consult those same prior discouraging individuals regarding this newer iteration of the work, because I suspect that I may have been mislead. This overall isn’t a failure in my opinion, since it is actively being worked on in my spare time, additionally in three batch instances, various Artists were commissioned. Even if the work remains in limbo or in the Artist’s respective Galleries thus far This project working out will be really nice, because the artists I commission would be getting a significantly higher cut of resulting profits than I would. This is one of the long term Goals. a project that benefits others (and Me, don’t leave me out) in the long term.

-Donations
I make a point to do whatever is needed to improve the lives of others. In 2024 I had given approximately $7000 across several different points.
I’m told that this number is unreasonable, and if I really wanted to do something worthwhile, I should have invested all of that into Art Commissions. What do you think? Let me know in the Comments.
by all accounts it’s the least I could do and I should do more. This is a fine achievement in my opinion though, $2000 higher than the year before.
GofundMe Profiles, Publicly Online Minorities, as well as at risk Minority Artists. I never ask for anything in return, I don’t make a stink about it like “I Donated, LOOK” , it is not done in the case of services rendered or anything of the sort.
strictly money for nothing because I want to believe that some day eventually I’ll have given enough to not want to kill myself.

-Catalogued my Reading Library
presently there’s no everloving way for me to report every single thing that I read automatically.
But I have nestled into a recurring daily routine that is consistent enough that I could stand to write down in a list or on social Media
“I read this much of this” “here are my thoughts” just because, just to have it out there, but this reading Habit of mine would not be possible without this amazing App
Moon+ Reader.  Currently my main collection is sitting on my Xperia 1V sorted and tagged with in the app, all of my Novels, all of my Art Books, my huge Years Spanning Deadpool collection-
the best way to build a Habit is to lower or remove the barriers to that thing.  Convenience doesn’t just have to be present for things that are bad for us, if fact anything that does not further your goals, you should make more inconvenient to do.

-Flew on a Plane, three Times
this was the first time I had ever done something like this. Kind of exciting, I wouldn’t want to do it all the time though. having lost the luggage with most of my non-black non corpo goth wardrobe in it really soured me on the experience, but the lesson learned is that I always want a carry on. San-Francisco was interesting, anyplace adjacent to the Ocean is going to be exciting and cool. The Super Retro Arcade was amazing. I loved all of the Seafood that I ate there. the most time spent was in the China town area, if I had more money on hand I probably would have bought more than just tea.
in exchange for losing my luggage and delaying my flight I was given flight files by Delta, which don’t translate to literal miles I’m told, but are just points that can be redeemed to reduce the cost of a flight. I think I’d eventually like to go to some place with an Arcade, or good Food. don’t know.

-I’m a Podcast guy I guess
towards the end of 2023 and at the start of 2024 I cohosted a Program called Main Character Syndrome, some time into the later half of the year it went on Hiatus. As far as I am aware, I havent been fired, just William Street Style soft cancelled. I have chronic yapper disease and I am generally a good listener, so I have since started cohosting Blatantly Obsessive Media Makers, a lot of spoilers for stories from Books and Movies on this show, and I learn a lot. my main Gimmick is that I try to highlight resources for creative work at the end of every episode. if you cannot tell, my depression developed during the airing of MCSP (unrelated causes) carries into BOMMP. Lore for the few Julian fans of either program, I am The Joker in Real Life. Every Day I Laugh in Batman’s face and bite fist.

I have an idea for a program of my own, a Game Show style Podcast with an inclusive spin that promotes creativity, I’m looking forward to demoing it later this year, probably around my Birthday.

Not much else to speak of, I made some good food, went on some dull dates, and have accumulated enough media on my home server to render the need for any streaming service not producing new media that I care about ….unnecessary.